“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14-15
Forgiveness is probably one of the hardest things to do as a Christian. Yet it is not only a command from God but is required for us to receive forgiveness for ourselves. Its tough to do because we are wronged and yet we can’t get revenge on the one who wronged us or retaliate in anyway. We can say how we feel about another’s actions or words but in the end we are required to let them off the hook. Why? Because Christ does the same for us on a daily basis. He died on the cross to pay for our sins and every time we sin and repent of it He forgives us. To try and receive forgiveness from Jesus only to deny it to somebody else is hypocrisy.
Recently I’ve had yet another incident in which someone wronged me. In fact they wronged me about four times in a week! I felt like Peter did when he asked Jesus “how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”(Matt. 18:21). I was angry, really angry but eventually I broke down and gave up my negative thoughts and emotions and forgave them. It is quite freeing but that doesn’t make it that much easier. But what really gets me about forgiveness is that to refuse to give it causes you to lose it as well. And I’m not interested in allowing anything to come in between me and my God, especially unforgiveness.
The Cost of Unforgiveness
The cost of being unforgiving is loss in the area of relationship. When we withhold forgiveness from others our relationship with them suffers as a result. We behave bitterly towards them, don’t allow them to get close and continually expect them to wrong us again. What’s true in the natural is true in the spiritual. In our relationship with God if we are unforgiving towards others then we struggle to have a healthy relationship with Him. When one fails to grasp God’s love and forgiveness they see God as being only angry and just. When they sin they beat themselves up, living with a downcast soul and expect God to punish them. What we think of God effects how we think of others and ourselves. If we view God as full of wrath and judgement towards our sins then we typically respond the same towards sin in our lives or in the lives of others.
Christ suffered a great amount of pain for our forgiveness, we must not demean His great sacrifice by denying others forgiveness. The cost for our forgiveness was great, so also is the cost of withholding it. Being unforgiving often even prevents someone from receiving physical healing as well as deliverance from the demonic. It’s like a disease that cripples us in many areas of our life: the spiritual, emotional, and physical. Even our personalities are affected. He was wounded for our transgressions and by these stripes we are healed (Isaiah 53:5). The blood He shed cleanses us of our sins (1 John 1:7). Withholding forgiveness causes us to ignore the Cross.
Forgiveness is a part of dying to oneself, the crucifying of our own flesh. Want to gage how well you are at dying to yourself? See how difficult it is for you to forgive. Forgiveness is a basic component of the Christian faith, yet Christians are mostly weak in this area. Too often I hear statements from other Christians such as: “forgive but never forget”. And yet God’s example is that He doesn’t remember our sins. He blots them out, casting them as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). Obviously He’s not an amnesiac but this means He doesn’t hold it against us. We create a list of the wrongs someone has done to us and this list plagues our view of them, our expectations of them and fuels our negativity. Don’t hold on to your list of wrongs. Follow Christ’s example and allow them a clean slate.
Being Preemptive Helps
We need to learn to be assertive. Spare yourself some pain by making your boundaries known. Don’t be mean or rude, just let your voice be heard and let them know what you will and won’t tolerate. Many of our problems, many of my problems, are results of a failure to take control of our situations. Some people seek to control, manipulate and steal from us regardless of our response. But I’ve learned that many of the times that I have been hurt and taken advantage of are due to my failure to say no, to take charge over my own life when others attempt to do so. People are more inclined to do something damaging to you if they perceive that you are a timid pushover but they will think twice about doing it to one who has self-control and confidence in themselves. Many of our hurts could be avoided if we would just let our voices be heard. Forgiveness is difficult enough, make it easier for yourself: be assertive. You’re allowed to tell others that you don’t like the way they are treating you.
Final Thought: The Cross
If the events surrounding His suffering and crucifixion are what leads to our healing, forgiveness and access to intimacy with God then the carrying of our own cross should then enable us to forgive others and ourselves, usher in healing into others lives and our relationships and lead us into deeper communion both with others and God as well. So let’s consider what Christ did for us on the cross and truly appreciate what we have received from Him. Then let’s pick up our cross and follow Him, allowing forgiveness to flow from us even as we too are wounded.
The Walk of Enoch 